The following are big lessons I learned in my program:

-That I need to mind my own business.

-That the first word of the 12 steps is we. There is no substitute for the loving help I receive from other members. I could not be a loner and work my program.

-That I was full of murderous rage.

-That when I tried to love my ex-wife into being the woman I wanted her to be, it was manipulation. I cruelly, did not give her one day where I fully accepted her for the fine person she already was.

-That I did not trust process. If I could not do it well the first time, I did not do it at all.

- That for me, there is no such thing as fast process. If I reject slow progress, I end up with no progress.

-That I need to use the tools of my program faithfully, and leave the job of changing my character to God.

-That I can not get bread at the hardware store.

-That I have a right to feel safe. It is fair to weed out of my life those who are consistently problematic for me.

-That “Letting go” and “Letting God” are the opposite sides of the same coin. “Letting go” is “Letting God” and “Letting God” is “Letting go”. They are the same act for me.

The following ideas have helped me.

-I can start brand new anytime.

-I frequently need to turn my eyes back on myself.

-I learned about love in the movies, not in my home.

-Keeping a journal of my dreams is a powerful tool.

-Self criticism is not of the devil, it is the devil.

-No one got here because their life was so good.

-The basic parenting job, according to me, is selling my kids on the idea that I loved them.

-On the Los Angeles Skid Row, a high percentage of the homeless people believed that God loved the world, and it changed nothing in their lives. Once they found out that God loved them personally, individually and knew their name and their stories, amazing changes became possible.

-I loved the Mission’s ministry motto. “There is one healing circle at Union Rescue Mission and we all are in it.”

-I am persuaded that God’s first consideration when she chooses her will for my life, is “What would be wonderful for George.”

The following are ideas that helped me.

-Difficulties have the potential to help me clean up the wounds of the past. At times though, processing some difficulties feels like I am being Rotor Rootered emotionally.

-I don’t see till I see, or hear till I hear. Things take time.

-My anger is loud, but my rage is often loud.

-Never kill someone else’s Buddha.

-I never want to rob a person of their dignity again by manipulating them.

-I need praise far more than I need criticism, but I am far more likely to take criticism to heart.

-I can’t shame myself into better thinking.

-My disease’s solution when I am low is to go into the basement and dig holes.

-Being authentic is often messy.

-My worse character defects are my character assets that I don’t manage.

The following ideas have helped me.

-When in doubt, doubt. [Don't just do something, sit there]

-WOW Experience: With Out Words.

-HOW: Honesty, Objectivity, Worthiness.

-When I LET GO in regard to my past, I LET GOD bring my heart’s desires into my present.

-When I begin my decision making deliberations with the question,”What do I need?”, I end up with healthier

decisions. When I begin my thinking with the question, “What does the other person need?”, my decisions do not work

out as well.

-Striving to be perfect inevitably makes me likely to be more imperfect.

-Striving to be perfect is like dressing myself in a straight jacket.

-When I manipulate people, I wound people.

-When I feel I have to manipulate people to get my needs met, I reinforce the ideathat I am inadequate. When I arrange my life so my needs are met, I impower myself.

The following ideas have helped me.

-Live large.

-Addiction is that situation where you never get enough of what you really don’t want.

- If I am uncomfortable with wealth, and plan on going to Heaven where the streets are gold, Heaven will be Hell.

-The main problem I have today is I fail to ask for help.

-When I am in my disease, and while tying my shoes my shoelace breaks, I respond,  “The world sucks and I want to die.”

-I used to try to live my life as part of the “Hallmark” world.

-I love change when I get to decide what is going to change.

-In the 11th step, there is frequently a time gap between “A knowledge of his will” and “The power to carry it out”.

-When I accept my helplessness [powerlessness], I learn to help less and escape some of my codependency.

-Being entirely ready to have God remove my character defects, frequently it is because I am  so tired.

The following is part of some correspondence between me and a good friend.

Dear Beth,

To me, perfectionism is a monstrous idol that demands more and more sacrifice no matter what I feed it. That was doubly true back in the days that I did mission work.

Conviction is when God points out a specific act or attitude that limits my vitality and joy. Condemnation is Satan’s attempt to undermine my confidence in the goodness of my created in the image of God nature. God might say, “George you told a lie. Satan says, “You are a rotten liar.” God says, “George, when you told that lie you betrayed the person you are. Satan says, “George, when you told that lie, you were expressing your evil lying nature.”

I am glad that God has helped you see how unnecessary being perfect actually is. Few things have attacked my spirituality as viciously as perfectionism. My humanity is in my contract with my God. [Treasure in earthen vessels, II Cor 4]

I know that you are one of the finest women I have ever met. There is lots of room for both of us to grow of course, and we both will grow all our lives. However, the message of Romans is, receive by faith that you are”Dead to sin and and alive to God”, and your behavior will adjust itself to your faith.

The OT says “If you obey, you will have Peace with God.” The NT says since you already have complete and total peace with
God, you will inevitably grow more and more like God. It is our sin that is condemned not us.[Rom 8]

Dear George,

Wow George! This fits so much with what God is continuing to say. I love the definition of conviction and the difference between the way Satan and God talk to us. The Holy Spirit never confuses or discourages me.

I just read Romans 8 this morning. Vs 1 is so freeing and unbelievable. God just wants US! I know if I think more about
relationship with Him the goodness of Him or the joy of the Spirit or the love of Jesus will spill out of me without me having to try so hard or strategize, etc. But even saying that can make it seem like my love for God is so that I can produce good works instead of just because He loves me and I love Him.

How free we would be if we could understand how much God passionately loves us just the way we are.

Beth