-The myth that all kids need is quality time is a damaging myth. Kids need time and lots of it.

-Kids need to believe in their hearts that when they speak their parents hear and respond to them with care and kindness. The program saying applies here. “Say what you mean, mean what you say but don’t say it mean.”

-Insincere, exaggerated praise is a serious mistake because kids may be given hopes for themselves that are  so high they will never be able to have them come to fruition. If that happens, they may develop an unnecessary sense of hopelessness.

-Insincere, exaggerated praise is a serious mistake because kids will sense it an come to doubt your sincere praise.

-One way I made sure that my kids knew they were heard was to say, “Let me tell you what I think you are wanting me to understand.” If I get it wrong, tell me where I missed it so I can get it right”.

-When my kids were small, sometimes they lacked the ability to express their feelings. I expressed their emotions for them by telling them a story I made up to put their emotions into words. In the story, I changed the first letter of each family members name to a “B” so the story featured Bina, Bill, Banelle, BoAnna, Bommy and Baddy. They got a kick out of me naming myself Baddy. I think it frequently defused some of the anger they may have been feeling.

-The retreating goals of my parents forced me to try for perfection because I could never find a way to feel like a good boy.

-I think that the expression I so frequently heard, “Do your best”, also pushed me toward perfectionism. I never could do my best. Now I realize  that no one can ever do their best. I once had a book published. For a long time, I did not make much progress with the writing because I could not write the book I wanted to write. I began to make progress when I finally realized that I had to settle for the book I could write.

-The failure of my parents to show healthy, natural, normal husband and wife physical affection in front of me made sex seem like the ultimate dark secret.

-I felt invaded by my parents. their tendency to run over me made me an excellent boundary setter. The trouble was, that I only knew how to set other people’s boundaries. “If I do this, Mommy will not like it  if I do that, Dad will be angry and spank me real hard.”

This entry was posted on Monday, June 7th, 2010 at 2:56 pm and is filed under String of Pearls. You can follow any responses to this entry through the RSS 2.0 feed. You can leave a response, or trackback from your own site.